Category: Joke Board
Waking Up for Church
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was
time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
Why not?" she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and
two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to
church.
(1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!"
**************************
The Picnic
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July
picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You
really should try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't
understand
why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're
missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized
Virginia
Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."
**************************
The USHER
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher
greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really
boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good," he answered.
**************************
The Best Way To Pray
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for
prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands
outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is
lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer.
"Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was
hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."
**************************
The Twenty and the One
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill
arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the
conveyor
belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill
reminisced about its travels all over the
country.
"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las
Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on
Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."
"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!" "So
tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the
Baptist Church, the Catholic Church..."
The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
**************************
God Is like ..... DIAL SOAP........... Aren't you glad you have Him.
Don't you wish everybody did?
LOL! You put some much good stuff up here!